We won't sleep together?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
