life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
