So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
