people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
