just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize