Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm sobbing to NWA
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
