apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
