I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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