Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just invented taco cereal.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
