Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
