somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
