I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
