dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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