I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
