i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
