She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
