Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
