is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize