i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
True college students do jello shots in the library
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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