I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You peed on a flamingo?!?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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