I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
