Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My cat gives me a boner
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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