maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
This can only be settled by a dance off.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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