Will you blow on my dice?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
