how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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