How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize