I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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