can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
