How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
