We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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