just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
