No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
