I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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