So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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