u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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