He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
