Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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