He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
