I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
