i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
