I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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