so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
