I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
