i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
