I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
