smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
