so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Randomize
