i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
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