Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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