clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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