You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
