After last night, I could never be a politician.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize