you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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