Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You can't motorboat a personality
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
