Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
