Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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