It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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