Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
