First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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