I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize