You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
