How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
