Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I wish I only lived at night.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
