i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
