It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
