you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
