I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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