if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My ass is underappreciated
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize