Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
