Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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