He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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