I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
