Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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