Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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