i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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