??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize