Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
