I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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