i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
