What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
